ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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