I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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