me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
