Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
