Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
