When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This is the high leading the old right now
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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