Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
