I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
