I cannot find my penis.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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