I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
