So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
