I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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