There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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