Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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