I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So squirting runs in the family.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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