3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
