sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I supernannyed him into submission
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
