guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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