Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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