probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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