I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
