She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
