You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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