evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
