I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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