ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
