I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
