Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Who died my cat blue again?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
