help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
