I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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