Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
