As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
