someone owes me an orgasm
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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