No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
