watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
