If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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