with your own penis?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
