i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
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Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
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And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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