alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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