My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
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My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
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On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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