You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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