everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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