And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
