I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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