end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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