D3 body, D1 cock
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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