I didn't shave. On purpose
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
