This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
oh god the rape fog is back!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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