good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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