They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
