coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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