How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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