I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
