this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
