If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
