i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
