These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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