She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
