I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
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