I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
