oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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