she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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