I need to stop coming to work sober
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize