tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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