If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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