Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
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Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
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Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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