You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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