i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
