Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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