"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
