I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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