I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
