so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
