it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
