I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
