Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
