It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
